Restart Day 27

Today is a real tired day, like exhausted. I'm so sick of the rubbish sleep, always being tired, motivationless, unable to concentrate. I've been to the doctors so many times before, I didn't really expect this morning to be any different. Though last time he did talk about CFS and looking at management of it, but the Health Trainer they referred me to was rubbish, completely, totally and utterly rubbish. This morning actually went really well though. He prescribed me Amitriptyline which is given as an antidepressant in a 150mg dosage. But in lower dosages, like the 10mg dosage he gave me, it's used as a sleeping tablet. I can't wait to go to go to bed tonight, manage to hopefully get to sleep long before my usual 2-3am and hopefully sleep through. I'm rather excited by it in fact! he also referred me to a psychologist who will assess whether CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) will help. Apparently for a lot of people with CFS it does help quite a lot, so hopefully. Not completely sure what to expect there to be honest though, but if it's going to help me get my life back on track and feel some sense of normality, then it's worth a go. Here's to 2010 sorting out many issues and leading to a happy, healthy and energetic me!
2.15pm
I've been thinking a lot today, and I'm tired of being how I am. I'm tired of being tired! I sit there and fight with the doctors to do something, and now they are, and they're saying that it looks like it is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which I've been saying for months and months, but now I don't want that diagnosis. I don't want to have something that I can never get rid of, that I might always suffer from. I just want a simple tablet that will make it better. I want it to all be because of my thyroid. I'm sitting here thinking about how tired I am day to day, tired doesn't even cut it, it's beyond that. My lack of motivation, concentration, how the gym knocks me out for the whole of the next day, and I wonder whether it's ever going to be completely normal. Whether I'm ever going to wake up in the morning and feel awake, fresh, revitalised. I don't know the last time that happened and I'm sick of it.

I've just discovered a gym that's a lot closer to me and easier to get to so I mentioned that to a friend and said that I want to try and go 3 times a week, even if it's just for 30-45 minutes each time. He's got CFS too, though worse than me, he pointed out that I shouldn't even do that, and I need to start slower. Said to do just 10-15 minutes at first and slowly build up. Having looked online it all agrees and says the same. But 10 minutes seems pathetic! I know that he's right though, and I'm going to have to start off a lot slower or I'll be completely knocked for six the next day and then won't be too keen on going back and it'll be harder to motivate myself. I guess I'm going to have to realise that this isn't something that's just going to go away, I'm going to have to learn just how it effects me and how to carry on as close to normal as possible. I'm not giving up though, I refuse to let go of my hopes and dreams and dismiss them as unobtainable now. I might have to make some adjustments, but I'm not letting it beat me and stop me doing the things I want to do with my life.

The advice seems to say:

• Aim for no more than three exercise sessions per week.
• Experiment to find the type of exercise that works best for you. Choose from a range of gentle activities such as stretching, yoga, Tai Chi, walking and light weight training.
• Aerobic exercise seems to cause relapses for many people with CFS. If this is true for you, try non-aerobic forms of exercise like weight training with light weights.
• Learn from past relapses. For example, if walking for 20 minutes worsened your symptoms, try walking for five minutes and see how that goes. It may be helpful to keep a diary to keep track of what works and what doesn’t.
• Stop the physical activity well before you feel tired. Pacing yourself is very important.
• Push yourself to get moving, but don't push yourself to do more until you know you're ready.
• Remember that your exercise tolerance will differ from one day to the next.
• Listen to your body – if you don’t feel up to exercising on a particular day, don’t.
• Only slowly increase the intensity, time spent or frequency of exercise when you know you can cope with it. For example, if you can exercise for five minutes without suffering a relapse, try for six minutes.

And finally, it says to be patient as it can take months even years to slowly build up the intensity, duration and frequency of an exercise program. By summer I'd like to be sorted though!


So I'm going to start off nice and easy, every day doing Yoga on the Wii Fit, even if it's 5-10 minutes. Giving me the chance to learn the signals from my body to know when it's enough. Then I'll slowly work it up, do it for longer, try and add in some other activities and eventually get back into the gym, starting with light weights first and then up to cardio. And I'm going to use this blog to keep a track of my exercise and energy levels, hopefully then I'll be able to see how I'm doing.