Lately I've been thinking loads about my future. Wondering where I'm heading, what it has in store for me. I've always said I don't know that I ever want to get married, don't know that I ever want kids. But I'm realising that I do, I really really do. But it's like... if I say that I don't, and it doesn't happen, I can be like well I always said I didn't think I wanted to. Rather than going I'm here because no-one ever asked.
At the moment, I look at my future, and I'm not sure that I can see that in it. I'm sure that there is ever going to be a guy who turns around and says, I want to be with you, I want to spend my life with you. Especially not as I am now. Maybe when I've lost weight, but at the same time, I can't imagine that either.
Lately there are so many babies appearing everywhere. I don't want my own one right now, but they make me realise that one day I do. But have to wonder if that'll ever happen.
But it makes me think, why is it that I can't see anyone ever wanting to be with me? Why could no-one ever love me like that? What's so wrong with me really? And honestly, I don't know, I don't know at all. I can tell myself over and over again how there is so much more to me than my weight. And that I'm doing something about it. But at the end of the day it comes down to the same thing, each and every time. I'm destined to a life of singledom, and no-one will ever be interested. Maybe one day I'll learn to believe in myself more.
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